Remember the land?

Pregnant feelings......

I feel like i need a therapist or a person outside of my family that i can talk to..............maybe someone i can even talk a little poop too about people. Not to be a bad person, or someone who constantly has bad things to say about people, i just need to be able to be heard.......for someone to be in the same room with me, who is totally engaged in what i am saying, and they have no judgemental feeling towards me, and they dont say much....just agree and let me talk. My husband is good for that, dont get me wrong, i talk his head off every chance i get.
But i also dont want him to get the wrong impression of me, i dont want him to think that i am always cinicle and negative towards people, a backstabber or constantly compaining. Plus, i view it as poison, polution.....dont talk bad about the ones you love. But i love talking bad..........or maybe i just love getting it out of me, these feeling of hurt, confusion and discomfort. I think i will see what God wants to do with it. I dont want to pollute God either, and i dont want him to tell me to shut up. God...the ultimate best friend, i'll just let you know every little thing that bothers me. That girls manners, that ones feeling of others, the way that one treats her husband, the way that one treats others, the way that one views the world, that way that one has no hope, the way that one always complains...............i need to change. I know the problem is me. Im no backstabber.....i am a loyal and true family member and friend, i just get these thoughts, and i want them out. They bother me. But all in all, i love all of the time, and i want to love everyone.
Lets just say i do love everyone, but i still get bothered by their differences and their petty problems, i wonder what they have to say about me??
Maybe people think i talk to much about what bothers me.........i would like to encourage every once in a while. But maybe thats just the thing....your so freken insecure and selfish that i am always telling you that you are so great and no your not fat, your a great mom, you dont have acne, your son isnt under weight, and then i start feeling like you are a little ugly cause you cant except the love around you and you cant realize that you have great things going for you and that there really is no problems except the ones that you are makeing up in your head!!!!
maybe i do encourage all of the freken time and now i just want to tell you to shut up or be happy!

there, i did it. I just need to blow up every once in a while or else i start to go mad!

I mean, i just beleive the only way some people feel good in life is to tell others all these bad things they "think" about themselves, just so the other person will give them a compliment. But if they keep useing that card, eventually others will just start agreeing with them. Hey, if you beleive that about yourself so much, then maybe its true?
Im mean arent i? Dont fish for compliments ok? If you need help, support, a kind ear. Im here and i love you, if you want to put yourself down all day and everyone around you so that im constantly running out of breath to tell you that life is better and so are you, then i just need a little break in between visits. We can be like the 'once a week friends" .