So there is this guy who is with this woman who.....has an addiction problem that i am guessing has gone on for many years....you can just tell. She has been coming into the shop every so often, and i alsways apreciate her happy attitude, although it is obvious that it is coming from a form of drugs, she stil is always sweet to me and knows my name. She drives this mercedes that is maybe a 73 and i have a broken one that has been a huge burden on us since it broke, and its a 76.
So i said one day "hey, do you happen to have an extra radiator?" she said no way...you have to find it on ebay. But then one day she brought in the guy. He kinda creeps me out cause he is so "mellow" and he looks like jerry garcia but more handsome and he is like "chill mama' and stuff like that. He comes in cause she said that my car was broken and its sad......so he said "i heard you have an old mercedes that is broken, do you want me to come look at it, i have 4 of them." i said, well sure that would be great, we could use all the help could get. then he asks when would be a good day to come over. I say any time thats god for him. He was like "well, im not good with appointments and i dont like being expected places, so just give me a time and if i dont show up, its because im not good with keeping my appts. I say um......every day after 6:30 or 7 and that seemed to work for him.
He came in again yesterday and said that he figured that it was a good day to go look at my car. So i told him that jordan would be there and he said that he would either be there by 6:30 or around the time that the sun goes down. When i got home from work........my car was driveing around the block for like a half hour without problems. My good ol' mercedes. So jordan comes in and was like "wow! that guy is really cool, i like him, and he fixed the car, and he is going to show me how to fix it up and he want to help us make it cherry." Well i got suspicious and was like "what the hell does he want?" because its creepy these days when people do things with no expectations of payment. But jordan said that he didnt want anything, but that he gave the guy a pack of ciggs. and 30 dollars. So thanks God for sending the used mercedes angel and his very unlikeley girlfiriend.
He said that right now he thinks we could drive it to santa rosa and back, but no more until we fix it up more. Of course the horrible side in me says to jordan "but i dont want a car that can drive a little ways....i want one that will actually take us places......without breaking down, maybe we can fix it up enough to sell it?" He has always wanted to keep it.......through this whole time of buying it from a dealership for 2 thousand dollars and then haveing it break down in 3 weeks and then haveing it sit in my sisters yard for 3 months. I cried(for real) almost every time looked at the beast....'my new baby is going to float around in that?'
.............i feel it will all work out, i need to keep praying, thats when the good stuff happens.
Im in this weird phase, i cant stop typeing and i dont have that many interesting things to say, but why not right? I dont really journal any more and i used to do that for years and years. One day the internet will blow up and crash and all of my precious memories will be gone......or there could be a fire and all of my journals will burn, so either way i might just be needing a way to express myself all of the time.
The baby feels so different this time. I dont remember feeling so achey so early. The baby is only the size of an apple and i feel like im already waddleing. I have officially gained 10 pounds in the first trimester. Im a little pissed and it makes me avoid the mirror, but it was inevitable. Im not one of those pregos who nibbles. I have to have a meal every 2 hours, thats just all there is to it. I do hope i can keep my weight gain in the right amount this time. Its feels so bad to feel bad.
With asher i gained 45 pounds. Before i was pregnant with him though, i was a smoker, addicted to meth and had a eating disorder.....so the blow up in weight was understandable. Thats probably why it was so hard for me. It depressed me so bad cause i was obsessed with my weight to begin with. Not to mention the relationship i was in and how much i tried to please this child who was going to be a father. I even took vicadin and smoked pot a few times so that mu x-husband would say "hey, dont do that its bad for the baby" and then i would see that he cared. But he never did. I was so stupid. Who isnt at 17?
This pregnancy is bound to be better. Yes it has been hard. It was really hard to hear that jordan was having a really hard time with it. That this wasnt the pregnancy he pictured haveing with me in his dreams, but i feel like it couldnt be helped.
Well maybe if i counted on God straight from the beginning instead of waiting for things to get really bad....then it woudnt have been such a bad three months.
Oh well, i can only hope for the best. I really do love being pregnant
i just dont love being crazy and stressed out and working 80 hours a week and still not haveing enough money to pay the bills.
God is good! :)
