Power of Prayer.....right?

LIving in worry is no way to live at all. Every time i think that i have tackled the mess of worry, it shows up again to slap me in the face and proove me wrong. Or, i don't know, maybe Gods keeping me in check.......just to let me know that it was never me that tackled anything. Withought him i'de be a wreck. Really. Godless bethany is horrible, i've seen her before. Mean condisending person, gossip, insecure, selfish, only out for my own good and pleasure, and worry worry worry, which produces anxiety of all different sorts. But then i finally realized that God made me a good person and him alone is the reason i have peace, that i can give peace and most of the time, maintain it. Then there are times like these. Something totally out of this worlds control happens......and i don't know what to do. My mind totally goes blank, i forget that God has the problem under conrol wether i give it up to him or not. And i run around trying to control everything with the arrogance of my mouth. I just want to be kept in check ya know? I hate not haveing complete control of my surroundings, not knowing the answers right away, not knowing how to fix things. But those are feelings of my old self, that keep trying to come out. Pray pray pray. Just keep my mouth shut and keep giving it to God over and over agian. and then pray prayers of thanks. Give it up.......and then let go. I see someone hurting, but they don't want the kind of help i have.......or they don't know how to reach it. And for some reason i can't tell them how to get it. Its just not working. Its like one of those mysteries of God and the world. The kind of mysteries with no justifiable answers. Like how right now, babies are dying......of cold, of pain, of starvation, of neglect. God, how can they starve, when they are so innocent.....so small and so perfect? I don't know.....and God has never answered that for me. I don't go around angry at God about it. Another great mystery to me is how children of God....pastors, ministers, missionarys.......can get chemical disorders in their brains after serving God their whole lives, then spiral off the deep end and wind up not beleiving in God at all? I know a pastors wife right now that slices her arms so much in her little psycho spells that she has no real skin left on them that hasn't been hacked. The meds that she is on keeps fluctuating and doing weird things to her body so she's like zombified for a week and then crazy hyper, creepy for another month, then slicing herself and crying another month. Are the Meds of the world wrong to take? Is the worldly therapy wrong? Is it wrong that she is in charge of leading Gods children down the straight and narrow path when God has not cured her of her desease? I know no answers to any of this. And its strange that my whole life i have been placed around mentally unstable CHRISTIANS. Not just crazy people....but crazy cristians......God does work in mysterious ways. I think some day i will have the answers. And in a way.....i am crazy, sane and strong. God is so good....but how do i help others and myself but to stay constantly in prayer. Pray pray pray........i now think that to have "the fear of God" in me means that i am terrified of what would happen to me and the ones that i love if i didn't have God at all. Pray.

p.s. if anyone ever does read this......sorry its a little heavy :)